Parents evenings are a bear, aren't they? Just when you'd rather be at home learning a foreign language, reading Wittgenstein, watching Holby City, but there you are chained to the mast in a draughty room full of empty-eyed children accompanied by their determined parents.

Except the parents evening is a crucial opportunity to make links, develop relationships, and talk about the learning environment between you and Student X without the distractions of the classroom context. Personally I love parents’ evenings. I could eat them with a spoon. Even if you're not as friendless and odd as I am, here are three ways you can generate some sparks

Give them a warm hand on their entrance (copyright Frankie Howerd)

I'm amazed by the number of teachers who greet the parents as if they were about to pronounce judgment on a prisoner. Lighten up; manners cost nothing; get those lovely teeth out. Shake a paw. And while I'm at it, stand up and shake the hand of the student too. Thank them both for coming. Ask them how the journey was. These simple things make relationships possible.

Accentuate the positive at first

The parent may have been dragged around a series of bear traps and lion pits sufficient to make them feel the world is against them. Be the surprise. Make some comment about how well they've been doing. Give them a reason to believe you can see all sides of the child.

Let rip

You have to be honest. Tell the parent that you need their help getting the situation back on track, and you want Student X to do as well as they possibly can. Both, all parties share the same interest - the wellbeing of the child's education. So say what has to be said, and do so in such a way that suggests you're not disgusted with them, and you believe change is possible. Make ultimatums if you mean them, but try to find a way out of anything that looks intractable. For most kids, it's possible. For the minority - then just be truthful.

Tom Bennett is the TES adviser on behaviour and a teacher at Raines Foundation, an inner city state school in Tower Hamlets. He regularly supports teachers on TES through our behaviour forum. Read more from Tom on his blog or Twitter

Get more advice on handling parents' evenings

Five golden rules for surviving your first parents’ evening

Parents evenings - you questions answered by induction expert James Wiliams

How to establish a good working relationship with parents

You can download the resources below for free by registering and logging into our sister site TES Resources

Parents evening printable sheet to fill in levels and targets

Keeping in touch with parents proforma

Teachers TV video covering scenes from a challenging parents’ evening

View all the parents evening resources