Frightening! We have one person who could take up at least half of all the given parts! And would make sure that, as any good 'Biscuit and Cake Monster' would, they take an amount directly proportional to the parts they play! And another category: The Energy Efficient. Sits on backside all day whilst 'teaching' and when in staff room, produces enough hot air to allow the heating to be shut down for a week!
21/10/2010
You're guaranteed to come across some characters in the staffroom. Let us know if you spot any of the following...
Every staffroom has its cast of characters. Here we feature a selection, as encountered by TES Connect forumites. Do you recognise them?
The quiet cynic: (everything is a bad idea, especially if it requires more work)
The meeting freak: nothing ever gets done because we need a meeting to review the idea, followed by a meeting to review the progress etc etc etc
The meetingaphobic: tries to run from meetings as fast as possible, never listens or contributes.
Judith Chalmers: all she ever does is talk about when the holidays are happening
The pidgeon-holer: who is always writing lists of things and putting them on the notice board
The new teenagers: 'you would not believe how drunk I got last night'
The doom prophets: 'this school is on a slippery slope, these vocational courses are a load of Mickey Mouse'
The devil's advocate: basically takes the opposite view to anything the majority say
The clocker: won't work a minute longer than paid for
The keen bean: spends too much time in school photocopying, planning lessons in holiday time.
The "Mine's the most important subject" type: usually a grizzled old English or maths teacher. Constant snipes at subjects like media studies, art, drama, music.
The martyr: who struggles to come in, breathes all over you and then tells you about the vomiting bug they've got.
The TESer: spends coffee-break, lunch-break and let's face it any spare time hunched over their lap-tops on TES.
The drama queen: no-one in the history of education has ever had such pressure. The deadlines are awful, they work through their lunch-break and are always here late. (Usually delivered loudly and in a slightly weepy voice during a full staff meeting).
The NQT: nervous, looks a little confused all the time. Volunteers for everything, talks about how much he/she loves working with children.
The PGCE: Terrified, shakes constantly. Carries around heavy folders full of paperwork, has odd ideas on how to discipline the kids.
The supply: old and fed up, carries a newspaper, a cup of coffee and ignores everything.
The 'I'm down with the kids' dresser: looks as if they're about to go to a nightclub/gig/pub rather than a classroom – very high heels, skinny trousers, OTT necklaces/earrings/rings
The 1000 yard starer: is so stressed that he/she takes medication and cannot quite concentrate.
The blow-my-own-trumpet-er: who really is absolutely fantastic and knows it, and makes sure everyone also knows it, making everyone feel inadequate!
He's-never-a-problem-for-me-er: a teacher who always has unwanted advice for everyone, and who always interrupts conversations with "what, little Lee/Wayne/Kylie/Chardonnay/Chlamidia/Rubella? He/she is never a problem for me..."
At-my-last-school-er: this specimen spends his/her whole life going on about how wonderful their last job was.
The biscuit and cake monster: dives in, uninvited, to all the biscuits and cakes going. Never, EVER buys any. Also takes home the leftovers from any buffets.
The data dictator: however well you think you know your class and your children, they know them far better because they have a printout about them
The cupboard nazi: brings in their own stuff for graphics or art and mixes it with the faculties supplies. Then locks it all away so your class can't access it because 'they might use my stuff!'
The education authoritarian: knows everyone at city or county hall, always tells you what they think is the current correct procedure, rarely actually teaches anymore as is at a conference or initiative launch while their classes rip the place up with some poor cover teacher. Also tends to be magnetic to cameras.
The Mary Poppins: all children are lovely, you just don't understand them, smile and they will respond, until the second or third year when they are gargling prozac every break and trying to work out where it all went so,so wrong. Sometimes leaves to become an adviser in literacy or numeracy...
The "Just one more thing…" just as a meeting is about to finish 20 mins late - look it is NOT that important
The broken boiler: who huffs and puffs at any suggestions but has nothing else to say
The hurumpher: sighs at being asked to anything, thinks meetings and paperwork are a waste of their personal time, but will move heaven and earth to organise the staff social
The bouncer: don't they ever have a class to teach, always seems to be doing the raffles or popping in to talk when you try to teach.
The reluctant recruit: ended up at the school years ago through redeployment and still continues to moan about it.
The circle of life: every initiative has been here before, but just called something else. This person is sure you want to know about it.
The chairmaster: always sits in the same seat in the staffroom.
"Who's that?": you bump into him in the corridor and say hello every day, but nobody knows who he is or what he teaches.
The locator: knows just where that piece of kit is and will find it for you.
The hoarder: keeps everything. Will rescue pieces of detritis for the nursery to use.
The Pollyanna: no point asking how things are, they are always great. Would see a school catastrophe as an opportunity to change and grow.
Nostalgia neuralgia: "Now at my last school ...."
The slipper: 'I'm just slipping out for 5 mins/half an hour/rest of the week.' Generally SMT off for a round of golf.
The original TES Connect forum thread can be viewed here
• What characters have you seen in the staffroom? Let us know by adding a comment below.
Comments
The "I demand equal status": The support teacher who wants equal status but also wants to pick and choose what s/he does: nothing to do with classroom maintenances; nothing to do with discipline; no marking, never around after school for voluntary homework clubs. Likes giving rewards and will do extra curricula work, if they are paid.
The hard working, creative 'Fountain of all Worksheets': copies worksheets/schemes of work and tries to pass them as her own creative hard work just by changing the font type and adding a footer with their name or initials.
I find this really difficult , our staff room is made up of a mix of folks but surely it is the children who are important! If staff are a bit different to how we perceive out colleagues should be then that s ok, I personally could fit into many of the categories but we have toembrace our staff and consider their contribution to our school for the sake of the children ! I don't like this article at all
Wow, you must be a barrel of laughs in your school! The article is a light-hearted tongue-in-cheek look at the different characters in staff rooms. Of course the children are most important but if teachers can't have a laugh at themselves then schools will be a much duller place. Smile, it won't hurt!
This article made me laugh out loud! I worked as a Teaching Assistant for many years and joked about teachers who undoubtedly would fit into most of these categories. It was always light hearted and never malicious, but i think we sometimes forget that teachers are human beings who have shortcomings and eccentricities like most of the population. Their sometimes 'odd' characters do not detract from the fact that they are qualified to do their jobs and in most cases do it well. I'm embarking on my teaching career next week and can't wait to be the stereotypical PGCE or NQT in the staff room, why? because i love teaching and the school environment. If teachers were all the same then wouldn't school be a boring place?
The Crafty RQT: has now worked out that most teachers are sitting there trying to figure out which one of these characters you are in your first few weeks and spends as much time as possible trying to confuse them by playing all parts in turn (only in the staffroom of course, as they still love kids and need to suck up a bit)!
*or did I just describe myself?*
How about the axe-murderer? The teacher who is all smiles and jokes one second and then SCREAMING AT THE KIDS TO BEHAVE the next. Don't mess..!
The Social Secretary
Spends more time organising theirs and the whole school's social diary,you have to wonder when they do any teaching.
The Upstager
Whatever you or anyone else comes up with, it's not that good because they've already done it, and better
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